A client discovers her low self esteem began in a distant past

The thing about time travel is the intensity of new smells – sometimes their strangeness can be overwhelming; earth mixed with animal dung from now extinct species, rich cooking aromas filled with forgotten herbs and spices, woodsmoke from trees that no longer exist and the ever present tang of sweat from a native people whose diet is vastly different from our own. 

All of this immediately creates a very tangible atmosphere, a far cry from the session room in the busy city, where my body now lies. 

A friend of mine, a doctor, once told me that he believes smells completely bypass the conscious mind, often triggering an emotional response to a long stored and deeply hidden memory. I wonder if my client is beginning to remember what happened to her and why she has been drawn here.

I am walking with her in an ancient Central American culture thousands of years in the past, possibly Aztec, Toltec or Mayan. It is a hot, steamy environment but as we have arrived just before dawn, there is a slight, cool breeze as the mist hugging the young jungle trees around us begins to evaporate.

I am enjoying being in another time and place, smelling things I have never smelt before, walking through an ancient, vibrant culture. The detail in everything I see is astounding and fascinating. It is a sensational experience and I realise just how much I love my work as an urban shaman.

As time travellers I have advised my client we cannot be seen by all but the most accomplished of shamans. Even then they would have to be in a deep trance state and focussed on finding us. So I feel relaxed as we walk through the happy crowd of small, dark haired, olive skinned locals. 

It is a morning of great celebration, we sense something very special is about to happen. Some people have obviously been up all night, others look fresh and excited. Children play freely around us, just as they would at any party anywhere, simply happy that a party is happening.

I have a pretty good idea what is about to happen but I must be patient and allow my client her own realisation, without any interference from me.

I am waiting for her to recognise who she is. I have already picked her through the unique signature of her energy body. It varies from lifetime to lifetime but it always has an identifiable consistency. I found her easily.

She is in the group in front of us and she is the centre of attention. So many smiles and so much love is directed towards her it is palpable. She is beautiful: a young woman, almost naked, she is adorned with feathers, body paint and gold jewellery. Her eyelids and lips have also been coloured, it is her special day. 

The magnificent structure she is being led to is a great stepped pyramid. Iridescent birds swoop low over the crowd and monkeys chatter and call in the surrounding forest, even they seem excited.

She still has not recognised herself as her body is quite different from the plump middle aged one she has left in my session room, over my small crystal shop, back in the twenty-first century.

I have given her enough time. I know, like me, she is fascinated by the very tactile experience we are having, walking and breathing amongst these diminutive, happy people. It is time for me to step in.

Which one are you? I telepath her.

Am I here?

Sometimes my patience grows thin, I feel like saying, “Of course you are here, why else would we have arrived here, when you asked to be shown the root cause of your life long issues?” But over the years I have learned to be tactful.

Have a look around you. See if you can sense which one is you…

Wow is that me? She is gorgeous.

Totally. I think, but I keep that thought to myself.

OK if you want to you can step into her body now. Tell me what she is feeling.

A few moments pass then she responds, perplexed….

Well, you would think she would be happy it’s obviously her birthday or something, and everyone is so happy for her, but she feels anxious and sad.

How does her body feel? Another long pause.

It is completely numb, I can’t feel a thing. She is chewing something that deadens all physical sensations.

OK, just as I suspected. My client is in for a rather unpleasant surprise. I have been in similar situations many times before so I am prepared for what is coming. It may not be pleasant for my client, but if she follows my advice she will be able to break a pattern that has been dogging her for almost forty years.

Every other therapist she had seen (and there have been many) was looking for the cause of her low self esteem in her childhood or early life, I knew it went much further back than that. Today she has an opportunity to change everything, but she will need to be very brave.

We are climbing the steps of the great pyramid and above us at the top stands the high priest and his assistants, they look totally awesome. They stand straight and proud, and they look towards my client with much love and gratitude. 

She is being helped by other semi-naked young women as she stands next to a large slab of stone and they gently lay her down. The whole temple faces due east; silence envelopes us as the priest raises his arms to salute the rising sun; even the monkeys are quiet.

The sky is red now and turning yellow, dawn is close. I do not need to know the ancient language he speaks as he invokes the gods and goddesses of his culture and picks up a large curved blade.

As she lays on the slab and awaits her fate I am relieved that she will feel no physical pain. I ask my client how she feels.

Get me out of here! She screams in my mind. An understandable reaction given the circumstances.

How does the girl feel?

Fucking terrified, what do you think?

It’s important you feel exactly what she is feeling now. Tell me what is happening for her, why is she here?

She is a virgin, she has trained for this since birth, it is a great honour to be selected for this role, but she is terrified and knows she shouldn’t be. She is supposed to be feeling strong and full of joy so that she can complete her life’s work and her job here.

And what is that?

Her job is to leave her body and stay here as guardian spirit. She is to become an umbrella protecting her people and their crops for the next year, until another virgin is sacrificed and the cycle is repeated. 

Oh shit. He going to put the knife in my chest, thank God I can’t feel it.

The sun breaks the horizon in a blaze of gold illuminating the very top of the great stone structure first. As it moves downward towards the slab, the priest, with great deliberation and ceremony, opens her chest with his razor sharp knife.

The people gasp as he pulls out her still beating heart and offers it to the rising sun. They are not shocked by his act, they have seen it many times. It has happened every year since they played as children at the foot of the towering pyramid.

What they are shocked about is the way her body resists his actions and the scream of absolute terror that leaves her lips and echoes around the valley, as her still beating heart is held before her. 

This is not as it should be. There is consternation amongst the crowd. Every shred of joy has evaporated like the early morning mist. It has been replaced by apprehension, fear and confusion.

How could she let us down like this?  Their group thought-forms are unanimous. 

People start crying, fearing the bad crops and famine that will inevitably follow this major catastrophe. Picking up the immediate change in energy the children follow suit and soon the scene looks like a serious disaster has just happened, which it has.

This ancient culture runs on ceremony. Their priests and priestesses have a very good and workable understanding of the afterlife and how to navigate it. The lack of a conscious, overseeing, trained spirit will be dire. For the first time in his life the high priest is dumbfounded.

My client is now experiencing everything her past life self is going through on a very emotional level and I know she will be sobbing loudly and uncontrollably, in my session room above my crystal shop back in the twenty-first century. I prefer to keep the sobbing to the minimum.

What are you feeling now? Through her sobs she telepaths. 

Fear… despair… great sadness… unworthiness. I have failed my family,    my community and my teachers, and they know it. I feel totally shit-house. I am an utter failure.

Do you recognise this feeling?

Ooh yeah. I sure do.

Are you ready to be free of it?


OK, step out of her body and stand next to me.

As she steps out and stands next to me the chaotic scene around us fades into washed out colours, sounds and smells and for the moment it continues.

Call on your family, teachers and community from that time, ask them to stand before us now.

As she does so, we move into no time-space. We could be in a large hall or open field, there are many people here.

Repeat after me… Across time and space, of my own free will, in full consciousness, as the Universe is my witness, I humbly beg your forgiveness, Please forgive me for letting you down.

The response is immediate and conclusive, waves of love and forgiveness wash over us both. Even I start to feel a bit teary.

My client breaks down again.

Thank them and tell them they can go in peace.

She does and they fade away. My client turns to me and sobbing, thanks me with all her heart.

Not quite done, now its time to forgive yourself. Are you ready to do that?

She agrees and I give her the appropriate affirmations. In forgiving herself she finally releases herself from the trauma in this past life and its affect on her present life. This is the breakthrough I was hoping for when she booked her session and briefed me over the phone a few days earlier.

After taking her through cleansing and purification exercises we return to our bodies in the twenty-first century. She is exhausted and still sobbing, I pass her a tissue as she sits up and I move her away from the mandala of crystals that surround us. I give her a grounding stone to hold, it will help her consciousness return completely to this time-space.

If I leave her sitting in the mandala it will take longer to get her back into her body. It takes her a while to calm down. I have a tendency to appear curt with clients, it’s not that I don’t care about them, it’s just that I don’t think it serves anyone to get stuck in the emotions that their session has brought up.

If things are released they are released, time to move on. My debrief is short and sweet. 

“You understand what happened there and how this will affect your life now?”

“I do… How did you do that. How did you take me there.”

“Actually, you took us there I just created a space where it could happen safely.”

“That was utterly amazing. I am totally lost for words. How can I ever repay you.”

At this point another person might ask for a substantial amount of money and I must admit sometimes I am tempted, but I am mindful of my Karma.

“Just pay the standard fee to my assistant downstairs.”

“I want to do more, really.”

“Buy yourself a few crystals downstairs if you like, or better still, give some money to your favourite charity or do some community service.”

She undertakes to do all three and leaves. I thank the team of loving spirits who work with me and clear the space in readiness for my next client. 

A minister of religion has approached me to help him unravel a repeat pattern in his life. By the sound of things I suspect we will be headed for a showdown in Ancient Egypt. They were a very smart crew in that time-space without a doubt, Master magicians each and every one, or so it seems to me whenever I visit. I sense it will be a complex case, but hopefully not too noisy.

I wonder what his congregation would think is they knew he was seeing someone like me. None of my business I suppose, just a passing thought. I am already looking forward to my swim at the end of the day.

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A Diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming