Ron presents with all the indications of a predictable pre-birth trauma, but his shamanic journey reveals a hidden terror

Ron allows the mandala surrounding his head to open his consciousness to a deeper understanding of why he has felt so alone for his entire life. He has told me that he lost his twin in the womb and that he has seen scans of them holding hands. What we discover reveals a totally unexpected terror.

My hands are heavy. Ron telepaths, looking down at his body as we access no time/space in search of answers.

Command your body to take you to the moment this feeling started.

We are immediately taken to a beach where he is playing as a child. He seems wholly preoccupied with all the sensations of being at the seaside: The bright hot sun; the sweet scent of sun cream cutting through the distant smell of seaweed, his father’s smooth, shiny bathers; his mother’s partially hidden smile, lurking beneath a broad brimmed hat and big black sunglasses; the sea-salty taste in the air; the repetitive, sleepy breathing sound of waves crashing on shoreline pebbles and the rolling exhalation of them being combed seaward.

Then, as he looks down at his perfect little hands making marks in the sand, the terror and the feelings of emptiness start. His younger self’s vision is sharp and clear, he gazes at what he has done, the significant, unconscious marks he has made in the sand. And his hands. Then turning his palms upwards he focuses on the terrible thing that they prove to him.

Why do I feel so afraid?

We witness his parents’ concern as the child starts screaming staring wide eyed at his perfect little hands.

Give yourself permission to remember. It’s OK to go there again – just for a few moments…

His parents pick him up, wrap him in a towel and comfort him, perplexed, looking  at the strange podlike shapes he has drawn in the sand and at his hands, having no idea what has created his tangible terror.

My hands… Ron gasping at the implications of his terrifying childhood realisation and its subsequent effect on his life, starts sobbing…

Ron presents as a relaxed and thoughtful man who appears a little withdrawn as he explains his feelings of isolation, which he tells me led to thoughts of suicide earlier in life. He has had a stable and loving upbringing, with no major trauma apart from his birth. He mentions that his twin died in-utero and that he also had a childhood friend, invisible to others, that he could see clearly and that he talked to constantly, right up until kindergarten. A classic symptom of an earthbound spirit attached to a child.

Ron has spent his entire life feeling out of place, disjointed, uneasy and separate from the rest of humanity. At 32 he has finally decided to look into it with me. A friend has told him that his feelings may have something to do with the fact that he survived his twin.

I have dealt with this situation before, where the surviving twin discovers during a shamanic journey that their dead twin is still with them, earthbound and confused. Not understanding that they died in the womb and wanting to continue living with the surviving twin. The dead twin’s presence and neediness creates feelings of anxiety and disconnectedness in the living twin which can play out as a life that lacks connection with others.

I try not to influence the session by presuming that this will be the case, knowing that apart from anything I might say – my thoughts have the power influence outcomes too. I remain in neutral, ready to understand what might be causing these feelings, without preconceptions. 

Our interview is brief and we move straight into our shamanic journey – arriving on the beach, where Ron re-experiences the mysterious terror in his hands…

My hands… he stares transfixed and terrified.

I am baffled, trying to figure out what is different about them.

My fingerprints…

I gaze intently at Ron’s little hands, looking for any indication of anything that should not be there. Yet I know the child that Ron was sees more.

They are unique!

As they should be…

But that means that I am unique! I am different from everyone else. I don’t want to be different I want to belong! I want to be with my pod! How awful, this aloneness is terrible, I do not want this. I want to go home!

Where is home? Ask your body to take you there.

Ron calms down, his sobs change pitch, moving from terror to joy as he has another realisation. He is immediately among a group of large blue pod-like beings floating in what could be water or space.

We are one! 

I witness his consciousness merge with the beings that surround him as he returns to group consciousness and it is beautiful. I am mindful not to lose him, but before I can even communicate my thoughts the group responds.

Don’t be concerned, Ron is not becoming less or getting lost. He is becoming more. This is where he belongs, it is SO beautiful that he has returned to us.

Could one of your group step forward so I can communicate with you? I have some questions.

No, it is not possible, we are one. 

I feel a fool for not realising the obvious, but things are moving quickly.

You may address us as one.

I do so, enquiring initially about the well-being of Ron’s dead twin, who I am advised, transitioned home to light from the womb. Ron’s invisible childhood friend is described as a temporary guide provided by the beings he is with now and I accept that. So all is well.

I am shown that this is Ron’s first time incarnated as a human, which is why it has been so hard to be separated from his group consciousness. This realisation brings great peace to him now as he truly understands the deeper reason for his feelings of isolation.

It all makes so much sense… They express his feelings.

Why did Ron come to Earth?

To learn about separation! They laugh.

How will this session affect his life on Earth?

Peace! Ron now understands everything and after today may return to this group consciousness whenever he chooses. Being separate is hard!
They laugh.

I call Ron back into his body as we complete the session. As he opens his eyes I can see he is having difficulty being in his human body again. He smiles.

“The terror of being isolated and separate has left me. For the first time ever I feel connected to this planet and those who love me. I can enjoy being human. It’s OK to be here! Thank you.”

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming