A man searches for the source of his anger, only to discover it is not his 

Johno edges awkwardly into my healing space, he is a big, broad-shouldered, muscular man who seems to barely fit through the door, over-filling my small client interview seat; as he sits down, it creaks under his weight. He greets me with a surprisingly gentle handshake.

“My girlfriend said you might be able to help me. I haven’t done anything like this before…”

He is out of his comfort zone, in an alien environment. His last healing experience was in a hospital, he has never set foot in an alternative healing centre. Assessing his state of being, I look into his large brown eyes. They are deep, almost black and they don’t give much away, but I sense pain and confusion underneath his calm and gentle exterior. I ask why he has come to experience a shamanic journey with me.

“My girlfriend thinks I might be depressed, but she doesn’t really know how angry I get. I work it out at the gym and boxing helps, but sometimes… I have this intense rage. It just wells up. I am frightened I might hurt somebody… her. That would be unbearable, she is lovely.” His voice breaks and eyes brim with tears that surprise him.

“You are in a safe place here and if you are willing we can get to the bottom of it and change how you feel. Have you experienced any trauma in your life?”

“I reckon all things considered, that life has not been too bad. I know something bad may have happened when I was little but I have no memory it.” I have no doubt we will find out what it is and how it connects with his rage once he surrenders to the power of the crystal mandala that he will lie in.

“What do I have to do?” He looks at the crystals, puzzled.

“Not much,” I reply. “The crystals will open parts of your consciousness that are normally closed, all you have to do is relax, allow it and follow my guidance, I will be with you.”

The big man lies down with a shrug, his head surrounded by crystals. His body fills the futon and spills onto the surrounding carpet. I look down at his pumped physique and pray silently that this session does not get too physical; sometimes they can, especially where there is hidden rage.

When a client has no expectations or resistance, laying in the crystal mandala for the first time can trigger a very rapid, profound and intense opening into the superconscious and All There Is. Johno’s naiveté and openness create just such an opportunity as I follow him down a tunnel of light, emerging into the vast cosmos beyond – never ending consciousness and love. I sense his vertigo as his awareness touches the infinite.

I had no idea… He telepaths awestruck.

This is where your higher consciousness resides, always, in a never ending now. It is not a place we usually visit, but it is just a breath away. By accessing no time-space we can access all time-space.

I sense his confusion. I have used my own esoteric vocabulary without thinking, I rephrase…

We can travel through time and space and find out what is causing your rage.

What do we do now?

Just allow your heart to open to the infinite love that surrounds you, that will trigger the response I am looking for.

Johno does so and simultaneously we both sense an aggressive, lithe and spiky figure flitting around on the periphery of our consciousness. Its form is like a living rendering of a wiry, medieval  imp from a Hieronymus Bosch painting. It emanates hatred.

It is not something Johno has encountered before and big as Johno is he becomes fearful, which not something I can allow. The fear will feed the imp which in turn will fuel its rage which it will then channel through Johno’s inert body, in my healing space.

Don’t be frightened we are not going to hurt you. Johno and the imp both look surprised, which buys me some time.

Show me the moment you attached to Johno.

Its foul mouthed response is immediate and clear in any language – no chance. It is on its haunches, wild but focussed and ready to pounce – on me.

Johno say after me: “Body I command you to take us to the moment this being attached to me”.

We are immediately transported to Johno’s childhood, we look at him in bed sleeping peacefully, a beautiful, innocent, little cherub with black curly hair.

That’s me, when I was little…

The bedroom door opens spilling light into the room, a figure lurches in and sits on Johno’s bed.

Uncle Jim…

“Hey little fella wake up. Be quiet now, or something bad will happen.” Jono’s uncle slips into bed next to him, his cold hands undoing the boys pyjamas, touching his warm little body.

The abuse and threat terrifies the child who cannot escape. His frantic silent cries for help attract the spiky entity, which attaches to him filling him with rage. He kicks and shouts biting his uncle.

The noise wakes the household and the uncle pretends that he is the first responder to the child’s “bad dream”.

I always knew there was something off about uncle Jim, good for nothing, scumbag…  So this thing came when I cried for help?  What is it, a demon? Is this what makes me so angry? How do I get rid of it?

It is manifesting its rage through you, you have an agreement with it which you must dissolve. It is not quite what it appears to be. First we must calm it so we can help it.

Following my instructions Johno calls on the entity and thanks it for helping him, which calms it a bit. We then explain it can no longer stay here without Johno’s conscious written permission. It gets agitated again.

It’s frightened! It has nowhere to go. Johno starts to feel compassion for this being.

Tell it that it is beautiful and that it is loved. Use your own words to reassure it, ask it to show you what happened to it.

Johno does so and immediately starts sobbing.

It’s a little boy, he was abused like me, but much, much worse. Poor little fella, it went on for years, his teachers, the men he and his family trusted! This is so sad. He killed himself, poor kid, I feel so sad for him. 

I tell the tortured earthbound child that some high level perpetrators are being found out and sent to prison in our now and this calms him a bit. His form changes to the frightened boy he was as I call on the beings who love him unconditionally to escort him safely home to light and peace.

He leaves, grateful for our intervention and I then call on Johno’s ancestors to join us. They offer him guidance on his future life and also thank me for helping him. 

Returning to this time-space Johno sits up drying his eyes. 

“You couldn’t make this stuff up!” He is stunned by his experience. “Is that it? Is my anger gone?”

“You tell me…”

He shakes his head and laughs, a big, free, joy-filled laugh from a big man, with a big open, anger-free heart.

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming