Raym’s attractive client seems to be living the high life with plenty of lovers, but there is something missing…

Martin is a handsome young man who is confused about his relationships. Looking every inch the metrosexual he exudes a gentle charm blended with an intense physicality: he works out and he likes to show it. Describing himself as pansexual, he confides that although he enjoys the company of all sexes and “loves to love” he can never really give himself completely in a sexual relationship. He tells me he feels something is holding him back and he wants to get to the bottom of it.

“I am looking for a totally fulfilling sexual relationship but I just can’t seem to find it. I go through the physical routines to please my partners but something is missing. I love them all, I love their intelligence, their bodies, their wit and their energy but…”

Seeking answers, our shamanic journey commences. Laying in my crystal mandala Martin is surprised by how quickly we are taken to another time and place. I stand beside him in a farm field: the humid, afternoon air and the woodsmoke from cooking fires pinching our nostrils as we sense the purposeful activity around us. It is harvest time and what appear to be white snow-covered fields around us are alive with activity. 

That’s me! Martin telepaths, gazing at the muscular, good-looking man easily lifting heavy sacks of cotton onto a cart.

My word, I was strong and good-looking… His past life self exudes his same winning smile as now – this time directed at the master’s wife as she passes in a horse-drawn carriage. She smiles briefly before averting her eyes.

“Oh boy Elijah, if youse knows what’s good for yer, yer’ll stop that right now.” The man working next to Martin’s past-life self shakes his head, sweat dripping off his nose, his tight, curly black hair appearing patchy white with cotton fluff.

“I think she loves me!” Martin lets out a belly laugh which attracts the attention of the overseer, who, too far way to use it, waves his whip at them both, threatening action.

“Head down yer fool!” His companion is afraid and makes a show of working faster, smiling to himself. “She sure is a pretty one…”

“Sure is.” Elijah sighs.

Over period of months we see Elijah grow closer to the master’s wife. She is flattered by his attention and any chance she has, when her husband is away on business, she finds things to do close to Elijah. She instructs her staff to remain silent and they do so, knowing they would be punished by both her and her husband if they spoke up.

The feelings between them are mutual and genuine, they are both attractive enough to pick any lover they choose, but there is a timeless, irresistible something about forbidden love that affects them both, intensifying their stolen, passionate moments together.

Elijah is a big man and he is skilled in lovemaking, he takes her to peaks of pleasure she could never have imagined possible. In turn her sweet smelling, soft, white skin, long red hair and willowy body drive him to distraction. They make for a passionate couple and as time passes they cannot get enough of each other. Everyone on the plantation knows what is going on, except the master, who, busy making money and buying more slaves, is blissfully ignorant. His wife is smart enough to fulfil his needs in the bedroom with alacrity, so the cuckold really does suspect nothing is amiss.

The other slaves disapprove and those close to Elijah let him know, but he just laughs it off with his big broad, winning smile. He feels invincible.

I really do love her, she is so special. So… exotic.  Martin ponders his past-life’s self’s infatuation, as another winter approaches and the master’s wife falls pregnant. They have been trying for a baby for several years, so her husband is overjoyed with the possibility of a dynasty opening before him.

His wife however is afraid: there is a good chance that the baby is Elijah’s and if it is, it will be obvious and there will be no denying it. Although nagged by fear himself, Elijah moves into denial, convincing himself that because they are in love it will work out. They will escape together or, disgraced she will be sent away with the child.

It is a gothic night full of sultry spring thunderstorms, when the baby is born. It does not live long, murdered by the midwife under instructions from the master: the midwife is in turn murdered by the overseer for a botched birth. She will never share her secret.

His wife, desperate to survive, explains in terror and tears that she was raped by Elijah nine months prior but was too ashamed to speak up.

Enraged, the Master sends men to capture and punish Elijah. Although powerful he is overwhelmed: they drag him to a tree and tie him up, spreadeagled, beating him almost to death. The master looks on, not soiling his hands, enjoying his righteous revenge. But Elijah is strong, he clutches on to the thread of life within him as the beating brutes tire themselves out, pointlessly pulverising him trying to break his body and his will.

“Hand me that knife, I’ll fix him.” The master steps forward repulsed by the gory mess that is his wife’s ‘rapist’. “Grab his cock.”

An overseer does as instructed. The master reaches down and with one swift merciless move unmans Elijah, who stares defiantly at the master.

“She loved me…” Elijah whispers at the master who becomes apoplectic cutting off Elijah’s testicles as well, throwing them to the pigs.

“Leave him to die!” rage spent, the master turns his back and walks off.

But Elijah does not die; once he is left alone his people come and staunch his wounds and he does not bleed to death. Mutilated, he lives and the master, when he hears of it, decides that he will allow it. Elijah will become a living example for the others and he will torture him by working him to death. 

Elijah survives for three more years, living with the coldness of his ex-lover, the never ending taunts and brutality from the overseers and the indignity of squatting to piss. A broken man physically and emotionally, he dies vowing he will never, ever, truly love again.

Martin is in tears. I understand now what prevents me from loving, what a foolish, brave man I was.

It is time to undo the promise that you made you to yourself on your deathbed, but first you must forgive.

It takes time, but Martin forgives both his lover and her husband, then I lead him into the affirmation that will change not just this life but his soul’s journey…

“I now dissolve all promises I have made with myself not to truly fall in love. I will not be punished for loving someone with all my heart. I have learnt all I need to know about betrayal, brutalisation and being punished for loving. I do not need to repeat it. I leave these traumas in the past where they belong. I choose love, I choose freedom and I open my heart to true and passionate love. Nothing can prevent me doing this, now. So be it.”

Martin senses a profound change in all of his bodies rippling across time ands space, particularly in his heart and base chakras. 

He sighs, My heart is open and I am free.

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming