Diary of an Urban Shaman

Unbelievably True Stories

Death and Birth

Kirra explores how a death in her past affects her ability to conceive now

My client Kirra is screaming, her face contorted, her dark skinned right hand pushed hard into the futon beneath her, fingers spread wide. Something invisible is pinning her wrist down as her body writhes around it, she is in excruciating pain. 

Her screams are so loud they have brought me back to this time and space to glance for a moment at her contorted body in my healing studio. Fortunately I am in a rural area and those nearby know I am some kind of healer. Reassured she is not actually dying, I allow myself to return to the time she is experiencing with such a visceral recall.

Just allow yourself to be here. I telepath

Do I have any choice? The pain is unbearable. Why are they doing this to me? My hand!

Let your awareness expand outwards from your hand. What is happening around you?

Her breathing moderates, a little. 

I am in a musty place, underground, faded whitewashed walls, curved arches, crumbling bricks. The people in uniform who are hurting me despise me. I am female, my skin is white, I feel heavier than I am now. Why am I here? Why am I not Aboriginal, with my ancestors? What did I do to deserve this torture?

Your incarnation into the Aboriginal bloodline is recent, you have incarnated elsewhere at other times. Command your body to show you what led to this… 

As we travel through time and space I can see both before and after this incident and feel deep compassion for Kirra, who has come to see me because of her inability to conceive. After trying many other processes she has been referred to me to help her uncover why. Our shamanic journey has plunged us straight into this trauma, when we commanded her body to show us the reason she could not have a baby.

She relaxes as we are transported to another era. A period where everyone looks thinner and the few cars on the streets are bigger than they are now and mostly black. The air feels clean and fresh and the locals who are going about their daily business push carts, walk or ride bicycles. It feels peaceful, almost mundane but there is an undercurrent of fear, hidden by people trying to make the most of a bad situation by carrying on as normal.

For a moment Kirra forgets her recent pain, she is fascinated by the clarity of her recall. 

This feels like Europe, France maybe. The buildings, the people they look pre-war. People look good without much effort, the women have style, on a shoestring by the look of it. This is like a movie…

Where are you? Do you recognise yourself anywhere?

Yes, thats me! That busy woman over there, she looks happy, but something is not right.

Step into her body and allow yourself to be her, how does she feel?

She has a secret, an important secret. She feels scared but defiant, she is a big woman.

Oh no…

Kirra has noticed the grey uniforms of her torturers that walk in small groups through her community. 

I feel like they know who I am.

And who are you?

I see myself writing, I have access to information and I am helping the resistance, with good reason. I don’t look it, but I am Jewish. They have taken everyone I know.

So it’s not pre-war France is it?

No, it is occupied France. Oh… I feel it now. I am not fat, I am pregnant. I did not mean to fall pregnant, but I love him so much!

Kirra sobs quietly, re-experiencing the intense connection she felt with the leader of the local resistance. 

He is such a loving, brave and gentle man. They captured me and because I won’t talk they are cutting off my fingers one by one. My writing hand! I did not tell them anything, but they found him and they have him standing here before me now, witnessing my torture.

I cannot believe that anyone could do this to another human being.

We are beneath the largest Chateau in town, in the wine cellar, recently repurposed. The resistance leader is stoic, denying all connection with his pregnant lover, now witnessing her intensifying torture and coldly refusing to acknowledge her, in the vain hope that it will stop.

I have seen many things in my time travelling practice but what happens next is beyond revulsion.

After repeated threats they execute Kirra in front of her lover by opening her womb allowing the foetus to spill out before them both as she bleeds to death, now well beyond feeling any physical pain. Her stony faced lover is then taken outside and shot.

Never! Never will I get pregnant ever again!  Her last thoughts and feelings spread out across the universe and soak into her DNA.

Are you ready to release that promise to yourself? You see how it is affecting your life now? 

She is still in a state of shock. I give her some time, then she agrees. 

“Please repeat after me out loud”… By speaking we add the greatest power to her affirmation.

“I now dissolve any and all agreements I may have made with myself regarding my ability to bear children. These agreements no longer serve me and I release them once and for all. My reproductive area functions perfectly and I can conceive easily, as I choose. I do this of my own free will across time and space, now. So be it.”

As she finishes this powerful affirmation, her whole being releases a deeply relaxing out breath, permanently changing her present reality.

I feel it! I feel my womb, my ovaries opening, easing… Unbelievable.

In order to totally release the trauma you must also forgive those who tortured and killed you…

This takes a little more time and counselling, but eventually she is ready and does so.

I cannot believe how free I feel. What about my lover what happened to him?

Call on him.

She does so and he appears immediately, still very distraught, locked into the nightmare of their deaths, as if it were a moment ago. Deeply traumatised he has become Earthbound; we talk with him and I help him understand that all is well, that he is not responsible for the death of his lover and unborn child.

Calling on the beings who love him unconditionally to help him journey home to light, Kirra has one question of them, as they help him find peace.

Will I ever get to be with him again?

You are free of your death trauma and are able to bring new life into your world, you will now conceive easily. Once he has been counselled and healed, you may incarnate together again.

He will be your first born.

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming

Bring in the Clowns

Probing an irrational fear of self empowerment Susan uncovers a time of torment that has a lasting effect

I cannot tell what time and place I am in, the furnishings are simple and poor and it is night time. I can feel the terror building around the child in the bed I am standing next to. She is alone in this gloomy space, in a restless sleep. She moans and groans quietly, a fine film of perspiration appears on her brow and neck as she starts to wrestle with the bed covers. 

Tree branches outside scratch the windows and the thin steel walls around her as a breeze picks up. I think I hear muffled footsteps approaching, hidden amongst the other night noises. We are in a rural area free of street lamps and the enveloping darkness is moderated only slightly by the thin mist, of partially clouded half-moonlight, that wafts through the small, high window near her bed.

I am alert and ready for anything, I sense this is a repeated experience for the child. Anticipating the door to this isolated room opening to some kind of violator, I prepare myself to help the child as best I can. But the door does not open, something far more bizarre happens as she wakes, sitting upright with eyes wide open, her mouth gaping in a silent scream…

Susan is a mature woman in the midst of a spiritual emergence. Re-assessing her whole way of being, she has changed her job, her home and her relationship, bringing everything into alignment with what she believes to be her life’s purpose. She is outgoing, successful and self assured, however she senses a deep seated fear that is preventing her from moving forward into her full potential and power. She has come to me to uncover what it might be.

She has tried various process to unlock this fear without success. Our pre-session discussion covers any kind of trauma she may have experienced in this life. She describes a few instances but assures that she feels they are dealt with.

“The cause of your present underlying fear may not exist in this time or space. If you allow it, this shamanic journey will take us there,” I advise, as she lies in my beautiful mandala of crystals and closes her eyes.

Commanding her body to take us to the source of her present life fear, we find ourselves in this dark room with a terrified child.

Oh, I had forgotten about this, this is me as a child, in this life, now. This is terrible, I feel sick. She telepaths, recoiling from the strange situation before us.

I witness the spirit of a sinisterly happy-faced, small, child-like clown skip through the wall next to the door. He is in full clown make-up and regalia. It is the scariest clown I have ever seen. The child that is Susan is transfixed, petrified and hardly breathing.

It’s the “Weebie Wobbie” he used to come and play with me. But it was not nice.

Time to PLAY! The clown laughs jumping up and down on her bed.

Oh, this is awful can we stop?

We can, but this is the fear you came to uncover. Invite this being to step into no time/space and ask it to show you when you invited it to be here.

I invited it… Really?

She asks and is immediately shown herself in the shed a few years earlier, a lonely child, crying, with no-one to play with.

I called for help!? 

And for a playmate and this Being answered your call. Tell it not to be afraid and that you won’t hurt it. Thank it for its service and release it from your agreement. Its service is complete.

Oh, it is so sad, that I want it to leave. Its making me feel sad too.

It has been with you since then and you have become familiar with it. Its presence offers you a kind of reassurance. Your spiritual growth and expanding self-awareness frightens it. It senses you won’t need it anymore and wants you to stop, so it is triggering your irrational fear.

The overly playful energy of the clown has changed, it is crying real tears.

I see through the clown’s make-up and have my own realisation of what this Being actually is.

Ask it to show itself in its true form.

Susan does so and the transformation is immediate and profound.

Oh! It’s just a little boy just a bit older than I was then… He answered my call, he wanted to play with me.

Why did he appear as clown?

He thought it would make me happy, he knew I wanted a playmate. He did not mean to frighten me and he did not know how to change his appearance back to a child. He is such a lovely little boy…

Ask him what year it is and what is the last thing he remembers.

The boy shares that it is 1953 and he members being in a car accident with his parents. It is the year he died. We call on his parents and they come and take him home to light. It is a joy-filled reunion. Susan is very emotional as she finally releases him to find peace.

We complete the session and Susan sits up drying her eyes.

“I was SO scared of that clown. It seems silly now I know what was really happening.”

“You can see how his presence has affected your life?”

“Oh yes, whenever I took steps towards empowerment and self-realisation I felt this deep inexplicable fear in the pit of my stomach. It was that little boy, frightened that I might discover him and ask him to leave.”

“How do you feel now?”

“Crystal clear! Thank you.”

“By the way, how come you were locked in that shed?”

“I wasn’t locked in. My parents were fixing up a dirty old house and they figured the old tin garage was a cleaner, nicer place for me to be. They thought they were doing the right thing, but they felt a long way away when I was a child. I never told them what happened or asked to be moved. I thought they might not believe me.”

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming

Lost Soul

A client’s desire to understand the cause of her feelings of aloneness and separation lead her into a journey through bondage into freedom

The intense stench of sweat, vomit and faeces is overwhelming. I gag involuntarily, concerned for a moment that I might actually vomit and choke my physical body which lies deep in a trance, in our present time, a long, long way away.   

I am in a dark and filthy place that feels like some form of hell. I feel other hot beings pressed against me, the rough, sodden floor beneath us pitches and yaws like a cheap fairground ride. Those around express their terror in a variety of languages and dialects but mostly through screams. Apart from dread, they have one other thing in common. All I can see in the deep gloom that wraps around us like a deathly shroud is their teeth and eyes. Their skin, merging with the gloom is a deep and shiny black.

I did not expect this! Sienna telepaths, overwhelmed with the veracity of her experience. I thought my shamanic journey would be like a movie. This is too visceral.

You wanted to discover the source of your present day challenges, step fully into the body you know is yours and feel into it. In order to clear this trauma you must experience it firsthand.  

She does so and immediately starts wailing…

Sienna is a mature woman, looking to understand why she has felt constantly lost and ill at ease for as long as she can remember. Unable to form long lasting and meaningful relationships or connect in any way to the place where she lives, she feels adrift in a sea of hopelessness. She hides these feelings under her bright and easy going demeanour. She has no real need to work due to an ongoing allowance from her wealthy family, but wants to contribute in some small way to society. Unable to locate the source of her despair in this life she is seeking answers in other times and places through a crystal induced shamanic journey.

This is awful, I have been abducted and imprisoned on this wretched vessel, wrenched from the land of my ancestors and family. I will never go back. The grief is unbearable!

We are on a slave ship headed for the Americas in the late 1700s and Sienna’s prospects do not look good.

Ask your body to show you what happens to you in this life.

We witness her young life play out, a tragic series of events, abuse piled on abuse. Sold to a greedy plantation owner, as a strong looking young male she is given the hardest physical work imaginable. Bullied and whipped the young man, mourning for his homeland and family constantly says to himself, “I am a good person, I. Am. A. Good. Person”. He tries hard to feel into this new alien place, full of people who dress strangely and look like ghosts. His attempts to reconnect with the land and the great Mother are futile, it is just so different from the place of his heart.

He is stoic but remains deeply alone. He dies young, worked to death, with a broken heart and back.  On his deathbed he is attended to by an older slave who guides his return home to light. The trauma of his abduction and enslavement remain imprinted on his DNA forever – or until consciously cleared through a shamanic journey in a subsequent life.

This explains so much… This feeling of total isolation, abandonment and the emotional pain of separation. It is unbearable.

Time to release this trauma, forgive your oppressor and thank the “Aunty” who helped you.

The forgiveness process takes some time as the feelings are still so raw, but eventually Sienna feels the sense of it and is able to forgive all those involved in her enslavement.

Such a blessed release!  I feel so much better, but it feels incomplete…

It is. This is a repeat of a much earlier more intense trauma, which as it was never cleared, re- manifested in your more recent incarnation as a slave.

More intense. Are you kidding?

If you feel able we can go there, I suggest you seize the opportunity now.

Surely, nothing could be more intense that this poor man’s awful life?

I choose a silent response. Sienna could not imagine what awaits her, I hope she is strong enough to experience it.

I guess I have to go there.

Its up to you… When you are ready command your body to take you to the primary source of all your feelings of separation and aloneness.

She does so and we are there in an instant.

This is too weird. How can this be?

We are in another part of the multiverse close to this dimension and physicality.  Here there is no individual free will. Sienna exists as part of a huge collective of beings that share their consciousness as one. She is experiencing a hive mind.

Strangely comfortable…. But somehow not enough, for me.

Time passes and as she becomes more aware of her own self and its potential, those around her feel it and become restless.

I must escape!  This is a painful separation from all I know and love, but I must let go. This existence us suffocating me. 

Sienna breaks free and it tears her soul to do so, but she senses more beyond the hive mind, scary – but irresistible. 

She pulls away and they pursue her as one. They are many and they are fast. When they catch her they devour her flesh but her soul breaks free from the group consciousness. 

How could they do this to me I loved them! 

I feel for the gut wrenching pain as Sienna re-experiences her separation and death.

Wandering the cosmos, a free spirit but lost, she yearns for a home she can never return to. After eons of aloneness she finds earth and a way to incarnate here, only to repeat her trauma in human form.

They hated me, they rejected me when they consumed my body. 

Call on them and forgive them, you will discover the truth.

The love from the hive is palpable when they arrive in spirit form.

They share their true feelings with Sienna.

They feared me?

They feared what you implied, a disease of individual free will, a threat to the hive mind. They realise they were wrong and beg her forgiveness.

Sienna weeps as she forgives the hive and the final part of her trauma is released, once and for all.

Returning to our time and space, Sienna sits up and dries her eyes.

“This aloneness stops now?”

“Yes, it is finished, you are free to have a normal life, with many happy relationships and to fully enjoy your home here, on Earth.”

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming

Day tripper

Joy’s stubborn chest pains reveal an insight into naive decisions made in her past

We are in a forest and the pink sky is transiting to purple. The undergrowth around us fluoresces with an other-worldly brilliance. I hear the the plants whispering to each other, the elements also communicate in their own colourful patterns and vibrations. It is overwhelming. It looks like Earth but there is more here, we seem to be having a deeper, expanded, hallucinogenic experience of a reality similar to ours.

Lying in my crystal mandala, Joy has commanded her body to take us to the moment her lung condition started and we are immediately transported to this sensual environment. 

Do you recognise this place? 

I telepath, as I feel myself being consumed by the richly textured, bright, surreal, moving patterns emanating from the plants around us. Perhaps we are on another planet. Her answer surprises me.

Yes, I remember being here, it was amazing…

My client Joy is lean and muscular, one of the new breed of therapists who really take wellness very seriously. This woman works out. Not for her the wafting layered white fabric of her peers, that creates an air of soft angelic ambience while concealing the softer more rounded form of the less active healer. Joy’s preferred style of compression tights and clinging tops screams “I work out, I juice. And I love it!”

I sense under her calm exterior a wired intensity that she hides well from her clients. Although fit, she suffers from an underlying tiredness and an aching in her lungs that will not go away or respond to her own methods of healing. 

We are in South America and I am experiencing a sacred shamanic journey led by my guide Juan. It was an incredible experience…. Why do I feel apprehensive? Joy telepaths.

Your body is about to show us the moment your lung condition started.

As a time traveler I witness her shamanic journey, mostly a revelatory expansion into nature that she is happy to revisit. As I observe, my scan of her body reveals several probable reasons for her discomfort. She will not enjoy discovering the cause of her lung pain.

The location of the otherworldly jungle around us now makes sense to me, we are re-experiencing an ayahuasca journey. A potent mix of plants, ayahuasca triggers an experience close to an LSD trip but very much aligned with the plants and animals in the surrounding environment. Now an expanding tourist experience, the use of these plants may not always be used in a traditional sacred space or with an initiated shaman or priest.

In this case her local guide considers his job done once the vomiting has subsided. After that he does not take any responsibility for their guidance or protection, believing that all they experience is perfect.

Joy notices herself becoming distracted by a tiny, playful, dragon-like being that eventually asks to stay with her.

I don’t remember this part…

She sees the moment she gives permission, in her altered state, for the playful sprite to stay and play with her some more. Its energy shifts into a less pleasant, almost ravenous being that enters her body through her mouth as she breathes in, making its way to her lungs, where it relaxes into its comfortable new home and energy supply.

Removing it is straightforward, it knows it can only stay as long it has her permission. After pointing this out it offers little resistance and returns to its jungle home

How do your lungs feel now? 

No ache, completely clear.  Is this possible?

Of course, you have removed the source of the pain. 

Does that mean I will no longer feel drained all the time?

Not yet, there is more. Command your body to take you to the moment this feeling of being drained started.

We return to the end of her unprotected shamanic journey with Juan. He walks around the bedraggled groups of westerners in various states of consciousness. Most are unaware of the positions their bodies have assumed during their psychedelic journey. We see him take a particular interest in Joy whose loose skirt has risen up her body to expose her thighs.

He stands over over and closes his eyes, projecting his consciousness between her legs, feeding off her vitality and latent sexuality.

This is disgusting!  Joy is flabbergasted.

Rather than removing himself from her as she returns to full consciousness, he pushes deeper inside leaving a hook that will create permanent connection between them. A free energy source for Juan, who the local girls steer clear of because of his reputation as an energy leech. Some even call him a vampire.

Now I understand where my energy is going, no wonder I feel so tired.

How has your sexual energy been since your trip?

Totally depleted. How do I deal with this creep?

We will invite him into no time-space and have a chat. Don’t buy into his aggression or threats by becoming angry, that actually makes you more vulnerable and feeds him. Stay calm and please allow me to speak on your behalf.

Juan is not happy about us discovering his free energy ride and threatens me with terrible reprisals for interfering with his abuse of Joy. But I don’t buy into threats, I am not one to allow bullies to intimidate. He senses his efforts to destabilise Joy and myself are futile.

In order to complete this healing and be totally free of this confused individual you must forgive him.

Joy takes a moment to compose herself, she is in no mood to forgive. Eventually she feels the wisdom of my words and releases him through forgiveness and he detaches. She completes the process by saying out loud…

“You may not return without my conscious written permission.” Sighing as she feels whole again.

Our post session discussion is brief, Joy has learned a lot about discernment and her own naïveté. Her curiosity and desire to experience a drug-induced shamanic journey got the better of her and she did not choose her guide well. She does have one burning question. 

“Why was my journey with you so safe. How did we get to such an expanded state without taking drugs?”

“Before your arrival I cleanse and protect this sacred space. The crystals are arranged to gently expand your consciousness and this is the sole purpose of the mandala you lie in. My focus is on your divine highest good. I think Juan may have had other motivations.”

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming

Vietnam veteran

Mark is a Vietnam Veteran ready to lay his demons to rest. His shamanic journey takes him to a place he had forgotten and uncovers more than he believes is possible

It is dark, really dark. We are quietly creeping through dense jungle, in single file, next to a fast flowing river. Malarial mosquitos whine close to our faces. Our way ahead is illuminated only by starlight. I can feel the fear emanating from Mark, whose stomach is cramping as he grits his teeth holding back the evacuation of his watery bowels. His reconnaissance patrol is behind enemy lines and every cell of his being wants out.

This is not as I remember it. He telepaths. Not what I expected, I hurt people, but not here.

This is where your body has taken us when you commanded it to show where your trauma started. The other things you think are important are not.

Really?

What happened here?

Truly – I don’t actually recall…

The soldier in front touches Mark and he passes the signal back. “Stop. Prepare to cross the creek” the touch conveys, the local in front knows the way. But the river looks too fast and deep for an easy ford, His mates have told him there are crocs in there and the area they are in is crawling with Vietcong.

Oh shit! As he enters the water his bowels finally give out and he whole body gives way to abject terror. Will somebody get me out of there? 

His telepathic cry for help screams out across the Universe, so loud he even thinks he may be screaming.

And then it happened…

Mark is a heavy-set man who would have been muscular in his prime. Now his muscles are soft and his once firm belly, sags, He has the washed out, limp, pasty, slightly vacant look of someone who has been on medication for too long. I ask why he has come to see me. 

“I did terrible things…” 

His voice trembles as he recalls his activities as a conscript in a hot and steamy war that nobody really wanted and whose heroes were never truly thanked.

I can see his mind is playing and replaying events he had no control over, internalising and repeating guilt and remorse from his forever tarnished youth. Mark was one of the many unlucky young civilians conscripted when his birthday was drawn in the conscript ballots during the Vietnam war. 

The Australian government, concerned that the conflict might destabilise the region and affect it’s interests in Malaysia, Indonesia and Papua New Guinea could see that it’s small standing army would not be enough for a growing conflict being fuelled by its North American ally. So the young 20 something man that Mark was, who had zero interest in being a soldier, found himself kitted out after basic training, travelling to a place he had never heard of to fight people he had no argument with, whose politics were actually not too far from his own.

I can see Mark is about to start a long dialogue and I realise the best thing is to get him lying in the crystal mandala immediately, rather than regurgitate what he has been through with army therapists and veteran support groups, many times. He has come to see me for shamanic journey not another therapy session. 

The process begins and I travel with him into his present life past, where we find ourselves, shuffling through the mud next to a crocodile infested creek. It is crucial that Mark have a clear recall and understanding of what happens next…

Something is happening, I feel the fear easing.

Why?

Something is comforting me, offering me succour.

You must examine it.

Why? It’s working, My fear is easing.

This is the key to your depression, it s why you came to see me – to find it.

I don’t want to. It’s not happy you are here.

OK – lets step into no time-space, away from this immediate trauma and invite it to step forward.

Mark does so, with some trepidation, and the source of all his woes is revealed and it is big.

Oh no…

I take a breath. In my business we deal with every kind of entity but the deal Mark made to be less afraid in Vietnam has led to this being feeding off and perpetuating his depression – ever since. 

I greet it formally and politely. 

We are honoured to finally meet you. Thank you for helping Mark.

Is this real? Can this truly be a Demon?

More than that. This is a Mother Demon, the biggest and meanest of them all. Please give me permission to speak on your behalf.

Of course.

Thank you for teaching Mark his limitations, he has learnt all he needs to know about fear and depression. Your service is complete and your contract fulfilled, you may leave now. Thank you. 

I telepath Mark. 

Be still, be neutral, do not say a word. Trust me. She cannot stay here without your permission.

I expect a drawn out negotiation, with threats and abuse, but I have dealt with her kind before – and she knows it.

She focusses on Mark. 

You want this?

Mark is quick on the uptake. 

Th…  Thank you I release you – our agreement is complete. 

I hope he does not say more and fortunately he doesn’t

She turns to leave, addressing me. 

I will see you later. Impudent wretch.

Mark, quickly say out loud after me. “You may not return without my conscious written permission. So be it.”

Mark complies and now free of negative attachments, I guide him to a place where he may meet those who love him unconditionally.

A cheerful, cheeky 16th century Spanish soldier wearing a steel helmet steps forward and embraces him.

Brother, it has been a long time! You are free now.

We go through protocols to ensure that the man is truly his spirit guide and I give them time to reconnect – it is an emotional reunion.

I notice during their chat the Spanish soldier doubling up with laughter as Mark looks totally askance.

The journey ends with me ensuring they have a way to reconnect outside of the crystal mandala, without my presence.

Opening his eyes Mark wipes the tears from them and looks at me with total disbelief.

“You could not make this stuff up! Unbelievable!”

“Please believe it, your depression stops today. If you choose.”

“I get it – I am ready for that, I do believe but… Wow.”

“What was the big joke with your friend?”

“Oh – he told me my mates in ‘Nam were having me on – the crocs in that part of the world are frightened by people!”

“Very funny.”

“And you? That Mother Demon was not happy. What did it mean “see you later”?”

“She will visit me tonight in order to terrify me, but I will be ready.”

“Rather you than me.”

“All part of the service.” I smile as I escort a transformed man from my healing space.

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming

The awful answer

Raym’s client searches for the cause of her deep and irrational despair and opens a window through time into a surprising reality

I am walking next to my client Sharon on her way to work. It is a bright and sparkly blue-sky morning and it feels like spring, although the leaves on the few trees around us appear to have a golden tinge. It has been raining overnight and the city feels fresh, washed clean.

Everything seems perfect and she is happy. We are in a big and busy city, the cars drive on the right and people are well dressed. Apart from the odd beggar it feels like an affluent, clean place. She is walking to work in one of the many office buildings around us.

Why am I here? This does not make any sense, it all feels too modern to be a past life. I feel like I am making this up… Sharon telepaths, resisting her experience.

Please, lets just allow things to unfold. 

I sense Sharon’s frustration, this is new for her and she is expecting to experience some kind of past life recall. There are many contradictions in her journey so far, which I too am expecting to be a release of past life trauma. But it is playing out as some thing else, something quite extraordinary. The whole experience has a bright, slightly distorted hallucinogenic feel. 

I follow Sharon through what appears to be a fairly routine and mundane start to her day at work. She greets her co-workers as she enters the high lobby of her building with its curved balcony and tall, elegant, almost islamic windows. Heading towards the elevator, in the quiet space that the air conditioning offers, I start to really pay attention to her surroundings, which are both out of time and yet strangely familiar.

Through the windows I notice a type of car that I recognise and tuning into her surroundings I hear people speaking an accented, vernacular form English, but the soundscape is not clear. She appears to be close to our present time but the computer screens and mobile phones look too chunky – almost steampunk by todays standards. People’s clothes and hairstyles are slightly off. Could we be in a parallel reality? 

The awful answer to my question will become apparent in the next few minutes…

Sharon has come to see me about the irrational despair she has experienced for the last fifteen or so years, she cannot quite place when it started. Her depression has not responded to any other form of treatment and there appears to be nothing in her present life that triggered it. In desperation she has come to see me to experience a shamanic journey to seek the truth of what triggered her despair, which I expect to find in another time and place.

In our interview prior to the session she expressed what appeared to be a genuine open mindedness in seeking the truth of the cause of her depression, but things are not going as she expected. She is experiencing a very genuine “recall” of a past life that cannot possibly be true. It is happening too close to this now for her to be there as a grown woman. Her inability to deal with the lack of logical explanation is preventing her from experiencing all her journey has to offer. 

Please just see this through. Experience what your body is showing us. The answer is here, I know it is.

OK. I am here – so I may as well.

She sighs and as she surrenders to the process we continue to experience her life as this happy but ordinary woman at the start of her day with much greater clarity. 

We witness her take her place at her cubicle, high up in the tower that overlooks the water and the sprawling city beneath her. An early starter, she is the first to her desk. Colleagues arrive and she is settling into her day, when her routine is shattered.

We hear a loud explosion outside, the few colleges who are on her floor start pointing behind her and rushing to that side of the building. She turns to see a similar tower close to hers on fire. Nobody knows what is happening and she looks for her supervisor. Then all the phones start ringing, at once.

She looks out at the unbelievable scene unfolding below her. 

“I saw it, a plane hit it – what a terrible accident. Poor souls.” Her colleague tears up looking at people leaping to their death to avoid the flames engulfing the higher levels of tall tower next to hers.

Her supervisor tells everyone to stay put but then shortly afterwards the PA advises immediate evacuation and trying not to panic, she joins the ten thousand other office workers trying to leave the building rapidly by the stairs. I realise where we are and I know she has just minutes to live.

This is bullshit I CANT be here, it makes no sense! Sharon has realised where she is too.

There is violent jolt and the building rocks wildly as widows are blown out and the second plane hits several floors below us. We are enveloped in intense heat and suffocating smoke. 

WHAT? This cannot be another accident! Who would do this? What is happening? WHY? My family, my boys… 

She dies an agonising death trying to escape upwards, fully aware that there is no way out, desperate for just a few more breaths of air and a few more moments of life. She despairs, yearning to be with her family. The emotional pain of her death is excruciating.

Sharon, we must step out of this trauma into no time-space so that we can clear it.

How can I be in two places at once? I have never been to New York.

Your higher self can experience more than one incarnation simultaneously. Normally we do not make any contact with ourselves, there is no need, but this is an exceptional case. Your higher self has created this opportunity to clear this trauma, you can choose not to if you wish. If you prefer, you can wait to reincarnate to clear it, experiencing a similar trauma, in some form, to trigger its release, in this life or the next. Or you can clear it now. 

I can see she is still having difficulty comprehending the truth of her “impossible” experience. It is a lot to absorb, in just a few minutes.

When did you say your depression started? Fifteen maybe sixteen years ago. Around 2001?

The impact of my question sinks in and Sharon takes a moment to digest its implications. Then she starts crying, allowing herself to fully feel the pain of her parallel self’s death.

I was happy. I had a good, simple life… my children. This pain is so intense.  What do I have to do to clear it?

In order to be free of this trauma and the despair you have been experiencing for the past sixteen years, you must call on the perpetrators of this awful act and forgive them.

I give her time to collect her thoughts and feelings and be ready to forgive. The people who will step forward when she calls them will not be the ones she expects. 

But that is another story…

All stories are © 2019 Raym Richards and are extracted from his book “Sprit World. A diary of an Urban Shaman” available through iBooks and Amazon or directly from Crystal Dreaming

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